Help Me Obi-Wolf, You're My Only Hope!

There I was enjoying my self-imposed exile from the blogosphere when I was suddenly drawn out of retirement by a disturbance in the force.

Even though they still haven’t quite perfected the whole “live-via-satellite” routine, CNN thought it would somehow be worthwhile to pioneer the correspondent-in-studio-via-hologram-technique. That’s right, CNN has created, for our viewing pleasure, a real live 3D representation of a person that we can watch on TV! Don't tell the folks in the graphics department, but the people who are actually in the studio are also technically in 3D, we just can't tell at home because we’re WATCHING THEM ON TELEVISION! Now if CNN could beam Campbell Brown into my living room for a rundown of the day’s events, that'd be a different story - and something I could really get behind. But alas, we are stuck with an awkward Star Wars rip-off, and one poorly executed at that. They didn’t even bother to put an R2-D2 doll next to Wolf Blitzer, who I believe has attained the rank of Jedi Master after having been successful at controlling all the monitors in the situation room with only his mind.

CNN Correspondent Jessica Yellin - later followed by someone named Wil.i.am (who may or may not be related to the Green Eggs and Ham kid) - was beamed onto the set a la Star Trek, with the glaring exception that in Star Trek they beamed the actual person to their destination not just a grainy, blue-hazy image of him or her. They then pretty much skipped any reporting that could have been done to explain how the process works - the person is put into a green screen tent surrounded by dozens of HD cameras – as well how this format would be helpful in reducing crowd noise from whatever event the reporter might be covering; in this case the Obama celebration in Grant Park. Apparently no one in accounting was consulted, because they almost definitely would have suggested simply moving Yellin a few feet away from the crowd and giving her a better microphone.

CNN wasn’t the only network beaming with pride over its ability to use technology in completely pointless ways. NBC trapped Ann Curry in a green screen pit so that they could have her walk around in what looked like a mini-Jefferson Memorial, lurking behind the charts and graphs detailing the exit poll results. It might have been more useful to demonstrate Obama's overwhelming electoral victory if each time he won a state one of those columns collapsed on Ann Curry's head. That would have had some cache.

I’d be OK with them using these virtual reality techniques if they actually added something to the reporting, but if they’re going to drum up these detailed sets just to show me the same graphics they could with an overhead projector than they should save their money. If the economy keeps going the way it has been, they’re going to need it.